Temporary Shower

I have been thinking about what to write but nothing is coming up. I have a loooonnnng laundry list of things I need to do but I can’t seem to cross even one thing off my list. This is mostly because I am dependent on some other people for most of these things but it is driving me crazy. Amongst the things I need to do are some more research papers. I am trying to collaborate with some ophthalmologists to beef up my resume but one of my experiments fell through this week (because the samples were bad) and the other one is stalled because I have to meet with the PI to go through the data. Blah I guess I am also a bit nervous because there are so many changes ahead. I will no longer be working in a lab, Dave is changing jobs, I will be married soon, and I won’t be able to travel as much. So much change in a short amount of time makes me really nervous. OK...enough compliant.  Some developments: I celebrated my 28th birthday! Eeek I feel old. Dave and I went to Ikea ...

Forgive this post because it is going to sound like rambling but I've been thinking about this for awhile now and finally took some time to write my thoughts: I was never that bright eyed student entering medical school with matching socks and matching pens. I never loved to read, to memorize, to sit for hours on end for a dream. I entered this field knowing the gravity of a knife in my hands and I knew that no matter how much I studied, how hard I tried, people will die. I just didn’t know how much it would hurt. Nobody talks about the pain of being a physician. We are described as “smart”, “hard-working”, and if you are lucky: “intimidating”. But somewhere along the way, “full of feeling” became a negative term; one conjuring up images of menopausal women. But being human means understanding not only how our bodies work but also how it feels. I remember my first cut into a cadaver; I cried. Ashamed, I wiped away my tears and carried on like nothing was wrong but my cad...

A lot has been going on lately. Dave and I had a wonderful weekend. We went to this wholesale flower place on Saturday to get some trail flowers for our wedding. I am trying not to spend too much money on this endeavor but fresh flowers are just SO beautiful. Originally, I thought I could pull off a wedding for 160 guests for $5000. I soon learned this was fantasy thinking. I have since doubled my budget and I think we are doing pretty well at sticking within that goal. By far the biggest expense has been the venue and we actually got a major discount on the venue. I wanted something private so we opted to just rent a vacation home with a large backyard. That way family and out-of-town guests had a place to stay and nobody has to drive to a reception after the ceremony. Because of the discount on the place we rented, Dave and I decided to book for three nights instead of one. This way we have a night to set up and a whole day to recoup after the event. OK…back to the flowers. We ...

I didn’t realize how much sunshine can influence my mood but looking back, I think I have been a bit blah over the past month. But…the dark days are over, the sun is out, and for the first time yesterday, Dave and I went on a bike ride! We biked for about 7 miles around the lake near his house and it was glorious! Then we went to Costco because I had to get some food for two parties: our annual lab March birthday party (because my PI’s birthday is in March) and a Pi day party tomorrow. We ended the night with some healthy beans and salmon.   Yum! Today I had the privilege of hearing Leroy Hood give a talk on the future of science. He has received numerous awards for his work on big data collection, DNA sequencing, etc and he is very influential in the scientific world. He founded multiple companies…latest of which is a wellness company. He thinks the future of science and medicine is studying wellness. Though I think his “wellness industry” is just a euphemism for “preventati...

So I have been really bad about blogging….what can I say. I am busy/lazy. I want to update about how I am feeling. As my defense draws near and I am inching closer and closer to third year of medical school, I can’t help but feeling anxious. I keep having dreams about things going wrong…not getting my shit together in time for the defense, missing my defense, sucking at third year etc. Amongst the most stressful parts of my thoughts is a sinking fear that I won’t find a specialty in medicine where I below. Sure I get core rotations so I’ll see family medicine, internal medicine, surgery, pediatrics, neurology, psychiatry, etc during third year but what about all the specialties your don’t get to see before you have to decide? (like PMNR, derm, anesthesiology, radiology, ophthalmology, etc). Up to this point, I have been pretty sure about what I wanted to do and honestly, the thought of choosing a specialty seems years away especially since I was doing a PhD but boom….I am here an...