Temporary Shower

Dear Caila, You are now 1.5 weeks old. You came into this world a stubborn little thing. We had a hard time getting to the pushing phase. I went in at 7am on Jan 1 2cm dilated and maybe progressed to 3cm on high-dose Pitocin by 8pm. But then, mommy got an epidural. Before I knew it, it was 5am and we were ready to push! I pushed you for 3 hours! It turns out you were not as small as we thought. I don’t know how to describe the shear pain, joy, and relief at the moment you came into this world. You were SO chubby! I still can’t believe I was able to push all 8lbs and 2.5 ozs of you out but here you are…..1.5 weeks later and sleeping soundly in your pack n play Oh darling, the last week has been some of the best and worst in my entire life. The stress, worry, and sleepless nights were juxtaposed by watching your sweet cheeks, curious eyes, and the love everyone has for you. Highlights include having your aunt Lilly around for a few days to help take care of us, watching your da...

Dear Caila, It is officially your birthday and I am so scared and excited to meet you. For the past 39 weeks, you have only been a figment of my imagination. I wonder what you will look like; will you have more of my features or your dad? Gosh I hope you are fat and cute!.....but not too fat so I can push you out faster haha. I have know all my life that I wanted to be a mother but now that the time is near, I am plagued by worry. How will I keep you safe? How will I teach you to be strong, smart, independent women? I am nervous to hold you for the first time, for the potential ups and downs of the first few weeks, and for the inevitable change that is about to take place in my life. I am scared about the pain of childbirth and feel a bit guilty that I am inducing you early. But love….I want more time with you and I hope you will forgive me. Besides, the world will light up with fireworks every year you are here J Oh little one, I will miss having you in my stomach. You h...

Today is a sad day for me. I spent last night watching the election with my husband and when we went to bed at 10pm, I still had hope that Hillary would win. But alas, at 3am when I got up to use the restroom, I found out that I was wrong….indeed we were all wrong. The shock kept me awake and worry/fear soon followed. I honestly don’t know how to express all the emotions I have felt in the last day but I know this: I am nervous about bringing a child into this world. I am scared about the repercussion of nationalism, the future repercussion of turning a blind eye to global warming, and the wall we will build to both isolate and doom ourselves. I want my daughter to know that there are still good people in this world and that hopefully she will be amongst them. I want her to trust the democratic process and to appreciate her birthright: freedom, gender equality, diversity, and justice. However, today for the first time, I am not sure this will be her inheritance. ...

I know I haven’t been great at keeping up with this blog. I now have plenty of time on my hands and yet, I just don’t want to do anything. Perhaps I am making up for last year where I had very little time but all I want to do these days is veg out on the couch. This could be because I am pregnant! Yes….25 weeks pregnant to be exact. We have been keeping it hush hush for awhile because I didn’t see the point of advertising it on social media but now that all our close friends/family know, I am ok with writing about it here. Needless to say, Dave and I are super excited…and scared. This will be our first child and I am super nervous about the labor process itself. I have had a great pregnancy so far. Besides some cramping pains at the beginning and some occasional discomfort, first and second trimester have flown by. I think third trimester will be a bit harder but what I really worry about is the labor and delivery part. I mean, I’ve seen it dozens of times on OB last year but it’...

Yay I am finally done studying for Step 2 ck!!! Because I regretted not documenting my thoughts after Step 1, I thought I should hurry and document my thoughts for Step 2. Overall,  I think I was WAY less stressed about Step 2. Maybe this is because I have literally been prepping for it this whole year or maybe I was just so burned out, I couldn't bring myself to care. Either way, I am really glad I allotted 6 weeks for this. My school only recommends 4 weeks and some people find that 2 weeks is enough but for me, it was nice to leisurely work through UWorld and have my evenings off. Resources used: UWorld: definitely the best resource. In fact, I think you can do quite well on the test if you really know and understand everything in world. Master the Boards: very sparse on details but good in the week leading up to the test as a final review Kaplan qbank: I did like 500 question from it but didn't find it all that helpful. Their explanations were definitely not as good...

Now that I am done with third year, I feel like I can share some wisdom on what to do for each rotation. Coming back from a 4 year leave of absence, I was definitely at a disadvantage knowledge-wise but I managed to honor 4/7 clerkships, high pass 2/7, and sadly only pass surgery. That said, I don't regret any of the resources I used and think anyone can get honors with the right mindset and the right study material. I hope some of you find this useful. General Advice You always have to try your best in clinic. It sucks when people ignore you or doesn't like you but swallow your pride and try to please them. At most schools, evals from your residents/attendings make up a good portion of your clerkship grade so do not overlook the importance of showing up early, being prepared, and being eager to learn. That said, don't play "the game". Go home when they tell you to go home. Don't try to outshine everyone around you. Instead, spend your free time at w...