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Done!!!!

So I finally took the beast today and I guess it wasn't as epic as I though it would be. In my mind, it had been a life or death situation. I literally dreamed about it countless times last week. All in all, I have to say that I'm feeling pretty shitty right now. I just hope I passed and with a decent enough score to get into residency. Yuck. I keep thinking about all the questions I missed. Things I should of known (and did at one point) like the difference between positive sensing and negative sensing RNAs etc. I "lucked" out with a ton of pelvic anatomy questions and a ton of repro questions but luckily, I had studied for repro using pathoma. I do think I failed every anatomy question though....sigh...here's to praying that it all works out in the end... I guess I have never felt good after standardized exams. I'm not particularly good at them...SAT gave me nightmares, MCATs made me cry...at least I didn't cry after the test today lol. My family la...
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Bottom

I knew coming into grad school would be hard but I didn't think it would be this hard. Perhaps it's me putting too much pressure on myself but I just hate disappointing people. Lately, with the lack of sleep comes a new onset of worries...will I be good enough? Am I going to be able to carry a project on my own? Crap I don't understand anything! Crap there won't be anyone to explain it to me! etc If anyone has been in a lab long enough, they know the success of a project is one part hard work, one part luck, and one part who you know so I'm trying to tred carefully and not piss anyone off. This is very tiring. Sometimes, I feel like I should wear a sign that says "Harmless idiot". lol On a different note, my glasses broke so I am wearing my contacts now...I'm not sure how I like them. On the one hand, it is convenient esp when I run/bike but I look really weird. I guess I just need to get use to it and have people around me stop gawking. At the en...
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What goes down must come up?

I've had a couple of bad days starting with my first journal club on Tuesday where I got grilled by my PI. I know it's his style and everything but I just felt SO stupid! Even when he asked me things I knew, I got intimated and had trouble coming up with the answer. The most embarrassing thing is that I cried. Not just like a teardrop either. Sigh. I think all the stress built up and resulted in a flood much like when the Baymeadow dam broke....guess I will have to try harder next time. In addition, I got my Step 1 score back. It was really disappointing. I passed but got about average....I guess I'm good at being average. Haha...this post is a downer too. Sorry...guess it's just been super rough lately. Hopefully my presentation next Wednesday will be better....but seeing as my computer keeps shutting down without saving my powerpoint changes, who knows when I'll be able to complete this. I pray for a better post soon!
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