I am sitting at Starbucks trying to cram for my Immunology exam tomorrow. It's weird to be studying for tests again, esp since this grad class is full of undergrads. In fact, the class goes at an undergrad pace so I find myself sleeping through most of it. This puts me in a per-curious situation because I now have to teach myself everything covered in the past 8 lectures. The good news is that that I know most of this stuff already from my med school immuno class so hopefully I'll be fine :)
As for developments in my personal life....sigh...I started dating a guy who is new to the area so I'm like his first/only friend. He then found out he has testicular cancer. I feel bad but I just couldn't do this so after meeting/talking, we broke things off. I think cancer just hits too close to home for me. My first boyfriend had cancer and one of my residents has Li Frimani syndrome (P53 mutation). After being there for both of them, I just don't have the energy to do this. I wrestled with the guilt of ditching him but he also scared me with his conviction that we are perfect for each other....how can you tell someone is your "match" after just two dates? Besides, the whole situation taught me that perhaps I am not ready.
In other news, I've decided to go to China for Christmas with a good friend of mine. The only trouble is I'm reluctant to ask for 2 weeks off from work. After all, I've just started in lab and my PI has been gracious enough to let me go to Boston/New York last month. I'm thinking that since I have to get shoulder surgery anyways, maybe I can push it off and use that as an excuse to get 2 wks off (my arm has to be in a sling after anyways).
As for my shoulder injury, my stupid health insurance ruled it as a prior injury (it started 3 years ago in China) so I have to pay $1000 :( I HATE insurance.
Dear Caila 17 months Old
Dear Caila, Nobody told me that being a mother meant worrying all the time but that is literally all I do and it is especially hard to stop worrying when you are away from me. There are times when you are with your dad, aunts, or grandparents when I allow myself to take a breath but now that you have started daycare, the worry is almost unbearable sometimes. I think a lot of it steams from the fact that I miss you. I miss us and all the specials days I got to spend with you over the last year. In two weeks, I will start residency and my time will no longer be mine. Of course we tried to set up my schedule so I can maximize time off with you but it will not be the same. Most weeks, I will only get one day off and it will be rare to see you on the other 6 nights since you go to bed at 7. I hope you will understand that this period of training is crucial to my career but I will always miss and worry about you when I am away. Today, when I dropped you off at ...
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