A non-mandated reflection essay
It has been more then a year since I've left med school to enter my PhD and I have to say that though a lot has changed, some things have stayed the same.
Although my friends went on without me, I have still enjoyed their company (even through the tedious third year). I think it helps that my roommate is also my closest friend but it is nice to know that your path does not define your friendship. That said, it has been especially hard this year to watch them take Step 2, apply for residences, teach first year students, interview med school applicants, and go on interviews themselves. I feel like their lives have picked up and the excitement of their residency discussion feeds into my insecurities: Will they all leave? Will we still stay in touch? Will I be left friendless here? Will I feel the same excitement and joy when I go through residence application/interviews without them in a few years? Only time will tell....
In the past year, I have also learned what it mean to love and be loved by a man. It has been hard but I am grateful for the opportunity. Alex has shown me parts of myself that I am not proud of but also parts that I didn't know existed. I am flying out to meet his family in a few sort days and though I feel trepidation and anxiety, I think I am ready. Relationships have a way of digging up your past, defining your present, and changing your future. I hope Alex continues to do all these things for me.
Lab-wise, I know I am more confident in my abilities. I am more savvy, more political, but not more comfortable. People's opinions still hurt, I still hate it from time to time, and I'm not sure I will ever pursue research after this. I am already at a point where I want to get my PhD and move on. It is sad but true.
As for my family, they have been a continuous source of strength and support. As hard as the PhD is for me, I know it has also been hard on my family. I don't think they have seem me struggle so much before and though it pains me to put them through it, I have learned that I am especially lucky to have them there. As a source of constant joy, Felicia has grown to be a very sweet child. I love baking with her, playing with her, reading to her, and teaching her new things. More then anything, Felicia puts into perspective what is important in my life and I don't regret coming back for the opportunity to watch her grow.
In the past, I have scoffed at reflection essays, mostly because they are synonymous with time-consuming assignments, but I think now, I understand there purpose....here's to 1 PhD year down!
Although my friends went on without me, I have still enjoyed their company (even through the tedious third year). I think it helps that my roommate is also my closest friend but it is nice to know that your path does not define your friendship. That said, it has been especially hard this year to watch them take Step 2, apply for residences, teach first year students, interview med school applicants, and go on interviews themselves. I feel like their lives have picked up and the excitement of their residency discussion feeds into my insecurities: Will they all leave? Will we still stay in touch? Will I be left friendless here? Will I feel the same excitement and joy when I go through residence application/interviews without them in a few years? Only time will tell....
In the past year, I have also learned what it mean to love and be loved by a man. It has been hard but I am grateful for the opportunity. Alex has shown me parts of myself that I am not proud of but also parts that I didn't know existed. I am flying out to meet his family in a few sort days and though I feel trepidation and anxiety, I think I am ready. Relationships have a way of digging up your past, defining your present, and changing your future. I hope Alex continues to do all these things for me.
Lab-wise, I know I am more confident in my abilities. I am more savvy, more political, but not more comfortable. People's opinions still hurt, I still hate it from time to time, and I'm not sure I will ever pursue research after this. I am already at a point where I want to get my PhD and move on. It is sad but true.
As for my family, they have been a continuous source of strength and support. As hard as the PhD is for me, I know it has also been hard on my family. I don't think they have seem me struggle so much before and though it pains me to put them through it, I have learned that I am especially lucky to have them there. As a source of constant joy, Felicia has grown to be a very sweet child. I love baking with her, playing with her, reading to her, and teaching her new things. More then anything, Felicia puts into perspective what is important in my life and I don't regret coming back for the opportunity to watch her grow.
In the past, I have scoffed at reflection essays, mostly because they are synonymous with time-consuming assignments, but I think now, I understand there purpose....here's to 1 PhD year down!
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