Dear Caila: 1.5 weeks in

Dear Caila,

You are now 1.5 weeks old. You came into this world a stubborn little thing. We had a hard time getting to the pushing phase. I went in at 7am on Jan 1 2cm dilated and maybe progressed to 3cm on high-dose Pitocin by 8pm. But then, mommy got an epidural. Before I knew it, it was 5am and we were ready to push! I pushed you for 3 hours! It turns out you were not as small as we thought. I don’t know how to describe the shear pain, joy, and relief at the moment you came into this world. You were SO chubby! I still can’t believe I was able to push all 8lbs and 2.5 ozs of you out but here you are…..1.5 weeks later and sleeping soundly in your pack n play

Oh darling, the last week has been some of the best and worst in my entire life. The stress, worry, and sleepless nights were juxtaposed by watching your sweet cheeks, curious eyes, and the love everyone has for you. Highlights include having your aunt Lilly around for a few days to help take care of us, watching your daddy apologize for every needle prick you had to endure, and seeing the joy in your grandparent's eyes.

We went home from the hospital early (Jan 3rd) because mommy was worried about a snow storm coming in. When we followed up with your doctor on Wednesday, they told us you had pretty bad jaundice so we got you a bililight. The contraption seems like torture and I cried and cried because we had to leave you in there but your daddy or aunt Lilly were always by your side. We then had to endure 3 days of serum bili checks to make sure your levels were not raising to dangerous levels. The heel pricks hurt but you were so brave. You hardly cried.

Yesterday, mommy took you to the doctors again because you haven’t pooped in 4 days. My breast milk had come in and I thought we were doing well on the breastfeeding front. Sure it hurts everything time you latch on but I thought at least I was providing you the nutrients you need. Well….they told me you had lost a lot of weight (13% of your birthweight so you weighed 7.1lbs). I was devastated.  I still don’t know what the issue is but we have started supplementing again with formula. You and I are about to go in today to meet with a lactation specialist and your doctor. I hope we can turn this around.

Anyways, parenting (as I have learned) is not easy. It is full of highs and lows and the low can be SO difficult but know that you were loved from the moment you arrived and I plan on doing everything to make your life better. You have been such a sweet baby so far (hardly ever crying unless you really needed something). I can’t wait to watch you grow and to hopefully overcome these difficult first few weeks.

Love

Mommy

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