Dear Caila: on the night before your birth

Dear Caila,

It is officially your birthday and I am so scared and excited to meet you. For the past 39 weeks, you have only been a figment of my imagination. I wonder what you will look like; will you have more of my features or your dad? Gosh I hope you are fat and cute!.....but not too fat so I can push you out faster haha.

I have know all my life that I wanted to be a mother but now that the time is near, I am plagued by worry. How will I keep you safe? How will I teach you to be strong, smart, independent women? I am nervous to hold you for the first time, for the potential ups and downs of the first few weeks, and for the inevitable change that is about to take place in my life. I am scared about the pain of childbirth and feel a bit guilty that I am inducing you early. But love….I want more time with you and I hope you will forgive me. Besides, the world will light up with fireworks every year you are here J

Oh little one, I will miss having you in my stomach. You have been such a good baby inside; sometimes I even forget you are there! I know when you come out, a piece of my heart will go with you but for now, I want to lay here at 4am cherishing your kicks and hiccups. I relish the certainty of knowing you are safe; a feeling I am not sure I can 100% have once we meet.

Love

Mom

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